Minty: The Assassin (2009) Reviews

• Best Film Ever!

  james-bre2013-05-06

  Dear Reader, The writer of this film asked me not to write this but god dammit I'm going to write it anyway because its the truth. I f****** love this film, this is the best film ever, PERIOD! Ignore what an other people say about this film I have watched this film and so have four of my other friends and now we highly doubt we will ever see a film again like this. It has everything you could want in a film, genius super villain names (Captain Capability), Gun fights, super powers, Vampires, top notch CGI and boobs! Other people's thoughts... (4/5 Stars) "...provocative ...eccentric ...precocious" - Film Threat "...one of the most colourful casts to ever grace the silver screen." - 10K Bullets "...an insightful film..." - Taliesin Meets the Vampires

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• A Good Minty Taste

  regdyer-752-5895982012-04-04

  I spotted the DVD of this film whilst searching for a title starring Elina Madison after being impressed with her performance as Elenita in the film Ripped Memories. Prior to seeing her in that film,, I had not viewed any of her previous work. I selected this particular film as it was an example of her recent work and she had the lead role as Minty: The Assassin. Furthermore, it appeared that she would be playing a completely different character to that seen in Ripped Memories. After viewing the film, my optimism about her ability and versatility was certainly confirmed by her all round performance as Minty. Minty: The Assassin is pure comic book capers brought into movie action and prominently feature the mint chocolate bar munching heroine Minty who takes on a variety of opponents including vampires, zombies, ninjas, zen cowboys with glorious and appropriate comic names such as Sensational Ninja, Bruce Zee, Molly Leviathon, Zen Cowboy and Rat Monster. She goes about her task with gusto whilst displaying her martial arts fighting skills in what turns out to be a very entertaining action/adventure brew. There is something for everybody - a villain for all tastes. Minty displays great powers of perseverance in overcoming the driving forces of these villains en-route to rescuing a friend and eventually assassinating a evil, manipulative, mind controlling doctor. In addition to her acrobatic fighting skills, Minty must also utilise profound intellectual abilities especially when contemplating physics and the universe! Elina fits into the role perfectly as she is able to fully utilise her extensive and varied TV, stage and film experience to good effect as can be appreciated by her body movements (especially in the opening sequence), poses, expressions and eye contact with camera. She would make an excellent photographic model! The use of cartoon style drawings and animations as scene setters serves to constantly remind the viewer that the story is basically comic book inspired adventure movie. I appreciate that the special graphic effects and animations may appear to be basic and straightforward and some people would have been tempted to utilise to a greater extent the more sophisticated techniques and resources currently available. But by limiting the use of graphics and animations to just appropriate moments as on this occasion the film makers have sensibly served to emphasis that this is just an extension of a comic book. There are numerous other positives to savour in this film including the performances of Tabitha Taylor who plays Double Delicious - a vampire. This is a role which is tailor made for Tabitha and she plays it with the right injection of humour as and when required. Another actress who captured the attention in a brief role was Jacki R Chan in her well choreographed fight sequence with Elina. A word of praise must also be extended for the soundtrack which contains a variety of musical styles. If you want to watch a film designed to provide a bit of comic relief and brighten up your day then Minty: The Assassin is a worthy addition to the list of films which will effortlessly achieve such an objective. It is one of those sit back and enjoy the action and fun type of movies.

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• I would have liked this... If I was 13

  last_cheese2013-06-10

  Where to begin with this; there's too much here to riff on. I guess the first place to start is its biggest downfall; this movie isn't funny in the slightest. Every attempt at humor in this fails so unbelievably hard, from all the stupid sexual innuendos (which are about as subtle as a slap to the face). But that isn't the only flaw in this, the writing is also absolute ####, the effects are so laughably bad they would have been outdated in 1996! The music is perhaps the worst selection of ill-fitting songs I have ever heard in a movie soundtrack. The acting, writing, effects, fighting, characters, attempts at humor; it's all incredibly bad. Minty is a lesbian assassin who works for a man who's called Big Boss, who is also her mentor. She teases with a Lesbian vampire named Double Delicious, who's working with some sort of doctor. Big Boss gets kidnapped and Minty must fight through the... Cocktower (dear God, please kill me now!), with each person she fights being more inept and retarded than the last. There's a running gimmick where they all take off a piece of clothing; and if you're too slow to catch it then padd the run time out with flashbacks to them. She ends up freeing Big Boss, meeting with Doctor B and Double Delicious, whom the former is a gigantic fanboy of. The doctor takes over DD's body and Minty and DD have a long, drawn out, and very boring "sex" scene. Minty causes DD to orgasm and breaks the doctor's control. She kills him. Minty and Big Boss have a rubbish conversation, you can tell the writers thought they were touching on something "deep" and were expanding on universal knowledge, but it's closer to something a little kid would write in an attempt to appear intelligent. The only appeal to this movie is all the overt sexuality in it, with woman getting as frisky as they can in a softer-than-softcore film. We get terrible almost sex scenes, mostly of the women rubbing against each other (mostly fully clothed, there's covered nudity at the end). For a movie that tries to bring in the 13 year old crowd, this movie doesn't offer much to keep their horned-up attention span. The fighting and effects are very amateur and non-existent, the fighting choreography is not very good at all, almost every predictable fighting movie cliché is throw in, you can see every move coming a mile away. The effects are almost all cg, and very, very, very bad cg at that. As I said earlier, the cg effects in the mid-90s were better than what is seen in this. The extent of the practical effects is a painted mannequin arm. Flat out avoid this, I only gave it a 2 star because it's not the worse movie I've ever seen. Pure garbage, only liked by those unable or too lazy to find porn online.

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• Needs more cowbell!

  zensurfer-315782017-09-20

  Not bad for a B movie, but still bad. The acting is OK, at least as far as the lead is concerned, the rest simply are reading their lines and trying their best to put some emotion into it. The action scenes are choreographed well enough. The music even the stuff that I might have liked is simply annoying. It looks to me like a couple of aging porn stars tried to make a movie, and thought they could act because they have faked so many orgasms. Two things might make this movie better, less plot and more hardcore porn, well that might not make it better but it might be more enjoyable.

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• Tongue in cheek doesn't cut it

  Leofwine_draca2017-06-25

  MINTY: THE ASSASSIN is your typical example of shot on video superhero spoof junk. This couldn't be any more tongue in cheek if it tried. A female superhero goes around whupping bad guy ass while various wisecracks are attempted and fall flat every time. This was filmed in close up on just a handful of sets and features a random lesbian assassin and some mildly racist stock Asian kung fu bad guys (one 'Jacki R. Chan' is credited in the cast). I still don't know what's worse, the wooden acting or the lame, slow fight choreography.

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